Lessons for a Happier Life

My mother, Aroon Shivdasani, is a BOSS and inspiration for me to have a happier life. Not because of her celebrity status due to work with her non-profit organization, the Indo-American Arts Organization. She is dedicated to building an awareness of South Asian arts in the US. Also, because of her immense humanitarian work with countless organizations from SAKHI to CRY to FREA to the Tsunami to name just a few.

Her boss status comes from her attitude towards life that has allowed her to live an immensely fulfilling, rich and exciting.  My mother’s insatiable love of people, cultures, travel, the arts and learning, her selfless nature, her ability to always see the positive in any situation, her passion for life, her “get up and go” attitude. Her ability to look stunning and be on point at all times are only some of the traits that make her my hero.

My mother served me as an inspiration

As I grow older and step further into motherhood, I find myself defaulting back to the core values that I am thankful my mother instilled in me. As I live by them, I am able to experience, despite how simple, how incredibly impactful they are, when lived by on the daily. I am able to clearly see now, how these tenets gave my mother her open heart. Passion in all that she does and an incredibly impressive life. Her advice was basic, simple and free, but truly life changing.

1. Sunshine & fresh air will heal all.

Growing up, no matter how down or miserable I felt, how sick I was, or how angry I was, my mother would always draw the curtains and say, “Look outside at the sun shining! Step out into the fresh air and your whole world will change”.

In my adolescence, I would roll my eyes and think, “this b&%tch is crazy. She doesn’t understand how I feel!” At the time, I felt I needed to process my thoughts, feel my emotions, talk it out, etcetera. Now, I do agree that to grow and heal, at times, these can be important in the process. But, truthfully, most of the time, you need to shake it off. Step away, change your energy and everything will make sense.

As a child, I spent way too much time in my head – over thinking scenarios, beating myself up. Thinking about the shoulda, woulda, couldas, when the situation was O-V-E-R.

How productive is that?

I have now learned that clarity rarely comes from being in your head and thinking. But more often than not, comes from stepping away, changing your energy and clarity then swoops right in.

As an adult, there is not a single moment that I’m upset about something. I will not shake it off, and step into the sunshine or fresh air and change my energy. Other things I might do to change my energy if sunshine or fresh air are not available, is take a shower, wash my face, light a candle, meditate, stretch, journal, or do deep breathing.

I’ve learned that being in your head is not what will help you, taking action and changing your energy will, and, you feel so much better!

2. Opening your home up is opening your heart up.

My childhood home was like Grand Central Station – people always coming and going. Aside from my 3 or 4 cousins that lived with us at different times over the years. We always had friends and guests from all over the world staying with us on any given day. And, due to my parents’ vast social circle and big heart, you always had to ensure you were dressed before coming to the breakfast table as you never knew if there would be a long lost friend, relative, famous dignitary, or even a homeless person off the street that they had invited in.

Our Thanksgiving Table

Our Thanksgiving table was a motley crew of friends from different parts of my parents’ lives. Various connections, ranging in age and race, at times people we hadn’t met in years, all joined together by our family and they loved it. Having guests at our home at any given time of day was the norm.

While in my post-college years when I lived with them and was grumpy about having to make proper conversation with worldly people when I was nursing a hangover, or making conversation with my long lost Uncle, twice removed, but I now see how it impacted me for the best. Not only am I so happy now that I had the opportunity to meet my long lost Uncle twice removed. For example, or any of the amazing people my parents called friends, but I have learned a more important lesson – that opening your home up, is opening your heart up.

Mixing up with others for a happier life ahead

I was taught by example, that inviting people into your home to stay, for a meal or for tea, opens the relationship up to a deeper level of connection and appreciation, than when meeting out.  When you invite someone into your home. You are inviting them into your world, showing them all of you, by perusing family photos mounted on the wall, enjoying your home cooked food. Further, taking in your personal home style and seeing the vulnerable and not so appealing sides – like your hungover daughter or your broken dishwasher.  This humanizes you and allows for a more authentic connection than meeting at a coffee shop with your perfectly contrived image.

At home, both parties are able to open up more, get more comfortable and let their hair down, if you will. It’s about being warm, loving and wide open to people, which is something I admire deeply about my parents about the Indian culture in general.

Having people come into your home creates a comfort and bond that will always be there.  I believe this practice further developed my love of people, being social and enjoying good conversation.

Now, let me be clear. Inviting people into your home doesn’t mean you need to break out the fine china and cook a 7-course meal. It can be something as simple as inviting them over for tea or coffee and putting out some biscuits or nuts, or whatever you have on hand. People appreciate being invited into your home, connecting and coming as they are. That’s often more than enough. The more you make it a standard practice, the more comfortable you will be. The more relationships you will enhance and the more full your heart will be.  Isn’t that what we all want in the end, personal connection and a full heart?

3. But first, make your bed.

I know, I know. Sounds so basic and trivial, but, let me tell you, it will change your day, which then, changes your life. When I was younger, I was always running around from pillar to post on overdrive and was never a homebody. I didn’t see why there was any reason for me to make my bed. I mean, I was never even in my room! Who am I making my bed for? But today, this life-changing habit makes all the sense in the world. Here’s why..

As I am now a mom of 3 little ones, and on any given day, my morning alarm is a yelling or crying child. I’m jolted out of bed to attend to one of them and that’s the start of my day. Gone are the days of leisurely morning workouts, journaling or warm cups of freshly brewed coffee. If I continue on this reactive, messy morning, that is exactly how my day will look. Instead, I ensure I find a moment to make my bed, which not only creates an organized space, which by default creates an organized mind. But the simple act has become a ritual that signals a reset in my body.

Like many healthy habits, it creates consistency, order, a sense of calmness and a cleansing effect. As I make the bed, I literally feel in my body that the making of the bed is a metaphor for the making of the day. It’s as if as I make the bed, I am resetting the channels of my mind and body to reboot and give it a fresh start. Once my bed is made, there is order in my world and my mind.

I don’t think I have ever seen my mother’s bed not made and simply by seeing the importance of this habit, it worked it’s way into my hard wiring to be a habit for me. A successful and productive day always starts with making your bed.

4. Always look presentable when leaving your home.

You see, it may seem superficial, but it’s not. As a child, I wasn’t allowed to leave the house in sweatpants. Yes, it’s true! My parents instilled in me that you must always be properly dressed and look kept when you go out. Of course, I hemmed and hawed and didn’t always listen to them, but now, later in life, I find myself following their same standards.

The way you look affects the way you feel about yourself. If you are wearing shleppy clothes and look banged up, you will feel that way all day. As much as you don’t want to, if you simply put on something a bit more polished,  throw your hair in a ponytail, put on some lipgloss and perfume, you will feel a million times better as you go about your day, which will affect the entire tone of your day. (Also, lil side note, you never know where your day will take you or who you’ll run into). The way you feel about yourself affects the way you interact with people, the way you carry yourself, the way you make food choices, and in essence, the energy you put out. And we all know, whatever energy you put out, is the energy you will attract!

5. There’s always a silver lining, ALWAYS.

When life gets you down, it’s so easy to see all the negatives in the situation. It’s easy to feel crumby, blame others and think of all the things that went wrong. But you see, the Universe it always, always, always working in your favor, despite how things look at the moment.

No matter how crumby situation feels or looks at that time, it is always to benefit you, it’s only disguised in a way that feels crumby. It’s happening to challenge you in an area you need personal growth in. It’s not giving you something you think is good for you at the time because there is actually something that is better for you around the corner. It is trying to teach you a lesson, or you may be looking at the situation all wrong and missing the positives.

If you look back in your life, you will realize that the ‘worst’ moments were often the best teaching moments, or something really fantastic came from it.  Aside from the deeper lessons that get revealed, you are learning resilience and to be open to possibility and growth. Also, by staying focused on the positives and having a sense of humor, you are able to enjoy an otherwise difficult and challenging experience.

Remember that phrase, “you can either see the glass half empty or half full’? The way you view life is a choice. Keep your perspective positive and you will attract positivity back in.

6. Don’t quit, take a nap.

My mother always loved a good power nap. That woman has moved mountains and I believe it’s because instead of giving up or burning out, she stops to take a nap. I always wondered how she would go constantly. I mean, constantly. She’s now 72 and has a more hectic and buzzing social life than I ever had.

Every day she’s rushing around either working on some passion project or helping a loved one with someone they need, and then by night she’s out at the theater, dinners, galas, events and it goes on. Day in and day out. Now, I am not a believer of going non-stop. I like my down time and alone time.

But the point is, my mother, has this zest for life that she is able to feed due to her ability to not give up and just take a nap. If she’s tired, she’s able to lie down or even shut her eyes wherever she is and literally fall right asleep for 15 minutes and when she wakes up, you’d think she slept for 8 hours.

She is a new woman.

Now, I was not gifted with this ability to fall asleep at the snap of a finger. But, what I do when I feel shot, is take 10 -15 minutes to quite the mind, do deep breathing and meditate, and I’ll always feel better. Additionally, I use this tip in life, in general.

When you are working on a project or a goal and you feel completely overwhelmed and want to give up, instead, give yourself a break. Take a pause or a beat. Sometimes, you need to take a walk and other times it may be a weekend away. Whatever it is, instead of throwing in the towel, just give yourself a break. 9 times out of 10, you’ll feel a much differently after having time to reconnect with yourself and rest.

Last, but not least,

7. Life is not a dress rehearsal.

And that’s the damn truth. Really think about that. We only have 1 go at this. Make it good! What do you want to feel when you look back at your life when you’re 95 or 100 years old? Do you want to leave a legacy for your children? Is there a business you’ve always dreamt of having? A place you’ve always wanted to go? Do it. And do it now. There is never an ideal time for anything. And I can say that.

I got knocked up right when my business closed, I had a lawsuit, no money. I was a lost and broken soul trying to find myself after a tragic loss. I had NO idea how I was going to have this baby when I didn’t even feel like I could take care of myself. More on this story in another post, but the point is, that child was a blessing. I’m so thankful for her.

Was it a “good” time? At the time, I felt it couldn’t be worse.

When I opened my retail concept store, it was 2009. The recession. Yet, my business was strong and the concept was extremely well received. Was it a “good” time? Everyone felt it was not. Now, the business closed a few years later, but due to completely unfortunate circumstances that had nothing to do with the strength of the business or concept. And I’m extremely happy I did it when I did. More on that in another post. But the point is, there is never a “good” time.

I am so happy my mother and grandmother lived by this motto. Taught me by example to work towards your dreams and seize every moment of life.

My grandmother, at 82, was still telling me she wanted to go back to school. She was taking water aerobics, acting in plays, going to film festivals, living every day as if it were her last. Talking about the future like it was never-ending. She lived a rich and fulfilled life because she woke up with that spirit and passion to embrace the day and feed her soul, every single day.

Happier Life

Stop making excuses and telling yourself you will do it next weekend, next month, tomorrow. Find time today to devote yourself to your soul’s calling or the hobby that lights you up. You don’t have to be the best to join the team and you don’t have to have your dream business all figured out. Just make the first steps and the path will reveal itself. Make sure that your days are filled with people and experiences that light you up. Feed your soul so you can look back on your life and say you had no regrets.

xo,

Misha