Lately, I have been on a deep journey of reevaluating and shifting my relationship with food and how I use it for nourishment,
along side shifting my relationship to my body while developing a deeply attuned and new level of intimacy with it.
While I’ve never had an eating disorder, I’ve always had a very disciplined approach to food and to my body.
I learned early on, when I went to college and struggled with navigating my healing journey of PCOS, that
through integrating aligned nourishment and movement into my approach to wellbeing,
I could release and recalibrate the imbalances in my mind and body and bring my body into balance and flow.
From the age of 18, I began to attune to my body and understand it’s needs through learning to interpret it’s cues.
When my period was late, I knew I needed to slow down, go to yoga and take things off my plate to alleviate stress and as such, my period would come. And it did.
When I was feeling anxious and not in the best mood during my luteal phase, I knew I needed to eat salmon and broccoli because I knew those foods would boost my mood.
I knew that I had the power and agency to shift my wellbeing instantly through understanding the appropriate inputs that my body was asking for through it’s communication to me.
From then onwards, I’ve always been very conscious and dedicated to eating and moving my body in ways that support it in thriving.
And rightly so, given that I struggled for years trying to navigate my PCOS related issues before figuring this out and then later in life, when I had a complete health breakdown at the age of 34 after having Dru, this same holistic wellbeing approach is what saved me.
As I’ve navigated various layers to my healing since embarking into motherhood, my food, movement and wellbeing rituals have been tweeked and refined along the way.
However, the need for me to follow such dialed in nutrition, movement and wellbeing practices for so long, combined with conditioned self pressure, led me to having food noise and body dysmorphia.
I began to feel exhausted from living in my head from all of the knowledge and lived experiences that were informing my food choices and felt the scales were tipped and that it was impacting my ability to be body led, which is living from truth.
And accessing aligned guidance from within.
I no longer wanted to feel restricted or constricted in my body towards certain foods that my brain had labeled as ‘bad’ based on my past healing protocols . #somuchbeannoise
I no longer wanted my children to hear me talk about certain foods as ones ‘not in my diet’ or see me weighing food.
I wanted to be able to cook all foods in a wholesome way and joyfully nourish myself and my family with really healthy beliefs and values around food.
So I began a journey of exploring food through the lens of somatics to reconnect with my body and learn, not what the doctor or professional or even I *think* I’m supposed to eat for nourishment, but really learn what it actually needs.
🤔What type of nutrition is my body seeking and why?
🤔What is driving that choice?
🤔Is it coming from a true place of nourishment or is it coming from a need to cope or sooth an uncomfortable emotion?
🤔Or from a blood sugar imbalance?
🤔Or from an adrenal response?
🤔Is it nourishing or soothing something in me?
🤔What is my *true* need?
As I have been on this journey of body exploration and reconnection to food, I have unearthed a new relationship with my body which is so beautiful.
For example, remember a few weeks ago I was on a journey to lose 10 pounds in 3 months? I no longer care about losing 10 pounds. It’s not a goal of mine at all anymore.
I feel so damn good in my body, mind and spirit that the weight doesn’t matter to me.
I am more devoted to true body led health and if I am giving my body the aligned nutrition, movement and wellbeing based on it’s true needs, it will feel it’s best, operate optimally and the weight will be a byproduct of that. And whatever that is, is perfect for me.
Interesting things patterns I have uncoupled from or am working on healing and shifting from this new awareness:
✨How having complex PTSD in the past led me to desiring more exciting and sensational foods to feed the same nervous system patterns it was attuned to by adrenalizing me versus gravitating to balancing foods.
✨Realizing that balancing foods, just like balancing relationships, when we are still in a adrenalized and hypervigilant state can feel boring.
✨And in fact, boring, in relationship dynamics with food or humans, is a good thing. Boring = healthy #nodramaplease
✨How I have a rememberance in my body around not getting enough food, some sort of fear and scarcity around food that leads me to eating more quickly or more than I need from fear of not having more later.
It’s not as true today, but I sometimes feel threads of it coming up and I feel it lives in my body from my ancestors and generations past who didn’t have enough food. I can feel clearly that the feeling is not mine, but a past down element of generational trauma.
✨I recognize this element of an anxious attached relationship with food and am working to build an even more secure attachment with my food.
As I continue to do with my body.
I feel while I’ve made so much headway, I feel with women, sadly, there is always deeper to go with food and bodies.
I feel grateful for this deep journey that has really been bringing me home to myself in really profound ways.
The more I’ve attuned to the sensations in my body and gotten clear on what is driving the craving or hunger, the more empowered and aligned I’ve felt.
I could care less about any superficial aspect of my body or weight at this point and am just loving the journey of being one with self and body and being on a perpetual journey of curiosity and exploration together.
We’re besties and we’re having a good time together.
What is your relationship with your body like?
What is your relationship with food like?
I’d love to know. Please share in the comments below.
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