We all know this feeling all too well, unfortunately. There are days we wake up with a strong game plan to hit the gym, finally tackle the looming project that’s been on your list for months and check off all of my to dos.
Next thing you know, your toddler wakes up screaming bloody murder, sick with the next virus going around. He’s attached to you and all you can think about is the fact that you were FINALLY going to get to that class and now you’re entire plan is down the drain.
You start to feel the anxiety build as you’re trying to tend to your poor little one and really just feel like you never get a break or a minute to get anything done. It’s always something.
As you’re feeling sorry for yourself, your doorbell rings, your dog goes buck, making your toddler cry harder, your anxiety builds higher as you run to the door frazzled and annoyed, to see the Fed Ex guy with a package you could care less about in this moment.
Your 4 year old is now up asking you to help her reach her favorite dress from her closet that she needs RIGHT NOW. Of course, that is top priority right now, right?
And just like that, the mama overwhelm sets in.
Can ya tell I’ve been there? We all have and will continue to. But what I can say is, as I have evolved as a person and mother, I have learned ways to handle the feeling and situation better and better.
I use a technique similar to our firefighter friends, cuz at times it can certainly feel like a big fire needs to be put out! Am I right? Stop (and breathe), Drop (all expectations & unnecessary baggage) & Roll (with the punches). But I know it aint that easy!
So I have outlined the way I actually put this strategy in practice here.
1. Breathe
Our breath is our greatest gift and the best thing about it is we always have it available to us. Always. I know we all know this and hear this time and time again, but are you actually doing it?
Also, for many, we don’t completely understand what this means or are not seeing the affects, so we don’t use it as the vital relaxation tool and stress reducer that it is.
The reason being, many people’s default is chest breathing. When we get anxious, we continue to take short, shallow breaths from our chest, worsening the symptoms, adding to your panic, tightening your chest muscles, giving you a more rapid heartbeat and often a feeling of hyperventilation.
However, if we learn to do belly breathing, with longer exhales, the results can be profound.
Belly Breathing Exercise
1. Place one hand just above your belt line, and the other on your chest. Use your hands as a reference to ensure you are expanding your belly, versus your chest, when you breath.
2. Open your mouth and gently sigh, as if someone just told you something really annoying. Relax your shoulders and upper body and exhale.
3. Close your mouth, pausing to reset.
4. Keep your mouth closed and inhale slowly through your nose, keeping your shoulders relaxed, expanding your stomach. Your chest should rise slightly, but not much more.
5. Exhale slowly through your mouth. As you blow air out, purse your lips slightly, but keep your jaw relaxed. You may hear a soft “whooshing” sound as you exhale.
Guys, it took me, literally, years, to really master proper breathing. Now that I have, it’s literally saved me day in and day out.
This free, always available resource, will help you better than any supplement or anti-anxiety meds.
You can do belly breathing in ANY situation. I’m not kidding when I say, all hell will be breaking lose, and I will totally stand there in the midst of the chaos, belly breathing, giving me the space, tools & availability to communicate calmly, rationally and lovingly to my children or whomever is asking what could feel like too much of me, in that moment.
It’s totally worth your while to take 5 minutes out a day to practice this.
Then, more importantly, actually try it in the moment. If you’re used to reacting and freaking out, try to get into a practice to remember to pause, and breathe. The more you put it into practice, the more it will become your default, allowing you to be calm and centered, as much as possible, in what feels like the never ending chaos of motherhood.
We’ve signed up for motherhood forever, so it’s in our best interest to incorporate some coping mechanisms sooner, rather than later. Am I right?
2. Take Stock & be present
Whenever it feels like “everything” is happening all at once, I pause, and take stock of what actually needs my immediate attention in that moment.
I’ve always been an “upholder” personality type, as Gretchen Rubin would put it; the type of person that feels the need to respond readily to outer and inner expectations. My initial instinct the moment I realize that my toddler will be attached to me all morning, would be to let the school know, cancel my gym class, change this appointment or that appointment, and feel overwhelmed that now I have all these additional to dos, on top of the typical morning kids routines and the sick child to attend to.
The reality is, none of those things are critical in this present moment. What’s critical at this moment is, figuring out what will help my toddler and everyone and everything else will happen in due time. The more you stress, become frantic and spiral through “all the things”, the more chaos you create and the more the overwhelm and anxiety builds. And when we have kids, they feel everything. The more calm and happy we are, the more calmness will be present at home, in that moment.
If there is something pressing that needs to be cancelled that cannot wait, take the moment to either do that, or reach out to a partner or someone who can handle it for you. Drop the additional baggage allowing you to be present.
3. Smile & Embrace the Chaos
Yep. I swear that literally putting a smile on your face changes your energy and vibration. The moment you smile, you immediately feel the negativity slip away and the humor and joy seep in.
Once I’ve found my center by breathing and dropping the extra baggage, I embrace the chaos and smile. I try to enjoy to see the humor and positives in the situation and roll with it.
This might mean that I decide to be silly with my kids by busting out into a silly song and have them giggle and dance with me, whether or not my toddler is still attached to me. Often, this allows everyone to forget the BS for a moment and just be happy. You’re not making it to the gym or wherever anyway. You can either be a sourpuss and frantic mess, or accept the situation for what it is and make it fun.
Embracing the chaos also often means dropping your expectations a little for that day or moment.
If that means my daughter will go to school with her hair looking like Einstein that day or my breakfast will be an apple thrown in my bag, so be it. No one will die and life will go on just fine.
4. Meditate
I know, I know! You don’t have time. I don’t expect you do it in the midst of all of this, but just hear me out, k?
Ever since I’ve gotten into the practice of meditating, I am able to access the benefits of getting centered and mindful in any situation. It’s as if that part of my brain has become a default or something.
You see, our brains are constantly in a state of input, all day every day, from a multitude of sources. We accumulate all of this data, from all of our interactions, thoughts, emotions, experiences, and all the minutia; scrolling instagram, reading emails, and on and on, on the daily. I think of our brains as our email inbox, including a mix of important mixed in with a ton of spam.
The build up of information creates mental clutter, minimizing the efficiency to make sound decisions and control our emotions. To learn more of the specifics on this, check out Know Your Limits, Your brain can only take so much, Michael Vaughn.
Until we clear our inbox, our cognitive and emotional functioning is not working optimally and everything is working a bit slower and less effectively.
When we sleep and meditate, it gives our brains a chance to clear the deck and reset. I think of meditating as a shower for the brain.
After I meditate, I literally feel like anything that happened prior to the meditation is gone. I truly feel emotional cleansed, rebooted and reset. I feel sharper, more alert, energized and clear headed.
If you start meditating when you can, you will be able to access the benefits when you aren’t able to.
I have learned to even take a few minutes to meditate when at a stop light, in a pediatricians waiting area, or when I’m feeding my 1 year old his bottle. As a mama, you have to take it where you can get it. It doesn’t have to be a whole event, it can just be tapping into it for 5 minutes where you have it.
I swear by the app insight timer. They have meditations that you can search by category (stress reducing, abundance, sleep, etc), or by time frame, or many other filters. The meditations are incredible and have transformed my mindset from so many places – overwhelm to zen, wired to sleepy, down and out to a feeling of empowerment and abundance. It’s endless.
They also have bedtime meditations that I do with my 4 year old and they calm her down or put her to bed. She loves them and has learned to use meditation and breathing as a tool for her to manage her emotions as well.
For the Pill Poppers
Okay, okay. I know what you’re thinking. I know all this mindset shit, but what pills can I pop to chill the fuck out?! I feel you. Don’t think for a second I don’t have you covered!
I have listed all of my go to supplements and lifestyle changes for dealing with stress reduction and overwhelm here.
Next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, do what you’re told to do when there’s a fire, Stop (Pause & Breathe), Drop (Drop expectations & additional baggage) & Roll (Roll with the punches)!
Was this helpful, guys? Let me know in the comments below!
XO
Misha
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